The Real Slim Shady

[Intro]

May I have your attention, please?

May I have your attention, please?

Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?

I repeat

Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?

We're gonna have a problem here

[Verse 1]

Y'all act like you never seen a white person before

Jaws all on the floor like Pam; like Tommy just burst in the door

And started whoopin' her ass worse than before

They first were divorced, throwin' her over furniture (Agh)

It's the return of the "Oh, wait, no way, you're kidding

He didn't just say what I think he did, did he?"

And Dr. Dre said

Nothing, you idiots, Dr. Dre's dead, he's locked in my basement (Ha-ha)

Feminist women love Eminem

"Chicka-chicka-chicka, Slim Shady, I'm sick of him

Look at him, walkin' around, grabbin' his you-know-what

Flippin' the you-know-who", "Yeah, but he's so cute though"

Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose

But no worse than what's goin' on in your parents' bedrooms

Sometimes I wanna get on TV and just let loose

But can't, but it's cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose

"My bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips"

And if I'm lucky, you might just give it a little kiss

And that's the message that we deliver to little kids

And expect them not to know what a woman's clitoris is

Of course, they're gonna know what intercourse is

By the time they hit fourth grade they've got the Discovery Channel, don't they?

We ain't nothin' but mammals

Well, some of us cannibals who cut other people open like cantaloupes

But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes

Then there's no reason that a man and another man can't elope

But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote

Women, wave your pantyhose, sing the chorus, and it goes

[Chorus]

I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real Shady

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating

So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up

Please stand up, please stand up?

'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real Shady

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating

So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up

Please stand up, please stand up?

[Verse 2]

Will Smith don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell records (Nope)

Well, I do, so fuck him, and fuck you too

You think I give a damn about a Grammy?

Half of you critics can't even stomach me, let alone stand me

"But Slim, what if you win? Wouldn't it be weird?"

Why? So you guys could just lie to get me here?

So you can sit me here next to Britney Spears?

Yo, shit, Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs

So I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst

And hear 'em argue over who she gave head to first

Little bitch put me on blast on MTV

"Yeah, he's cute, but I think he's married to Kim, hee-hee"

I should download her audio on MP3

And show the whole world how you gave Eminem VD (Agh)

I'm sick of you little girl and boy groups, all you do is annoy me

So I have been sent here to destroy you

And there's a million of us just like me

Who cuss like me, who just don't give a fuck like me

Who dress like me, walk, talk and act like me

And just might be the next best thing, but not quite me

[Chorus]

'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real Shady

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating

So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up

Please stand up, please stand up?

'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real Shady

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating

So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up

Please stand up, please stand up?

[Verse 3]

I'm like a head trip to listen to

'Cause I'm only givin' you things you joke about with your friends inside your livin' room

The only difference is I got the balls to say it in front of y'all

And I don't gotta be false or sugarcoat it at all

I just get on the mic and spit it

And whether you like to admit it (Err), I just shit it

Better than ninety percent of you rappers out can

Then you wonder, "How can kids eat up these albums like Valiums?"

It's funny, 'cause at the rate I'm goin', when I'm thirty

I'll be the only person in the nursin' home flirting

Pinchin' nurse's asses when I'm jacking off with Jergens

And I'm jerking, but this whole bag of Viagra isn't working

And every single person is a Slim Shady lurkin'

He could be working at Burger King, spittin' on your onion rings (Ch, puh)

Or in the parkin' lot, circling, screaming, "I don't give a fuck!"

With his windows down and his system up

So will the real Shady please stand up

And put one of those fingers on each hand up?

And be proud to be out of your mind and out of control

And one more time, loud as you can, how does it go?

[Chorus]

I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real Shady

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating

So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up

Please stand up, please stand up?

'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real Shady

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating

So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up

Please stand up, please stand up?

'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real Shady

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating

So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up

Please stand up, please stand up?

'Cause I'm Slim Shady, yes, I'm the real Shady

All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating

So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up

Please stand up, please stand up?

[Outro]

Ha-ha

I guess there's a Slim Shady in all of us

Fuck it, let's all stand up